


Holding His Hand

by theoceanrises



Category: The Goldfinch (2019), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21714865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoceanrises/pseuds/theoceanrises
Summary: this is basically my interpretation of what could've happened when theo was going to new york after his father passed away. boris is a much needed comforting presence in theo's chaotic life and helps him through a tough moment. contains light angst and fluff :) I DO NOT OWN RIGHTS TO THESE CHARACTERS. ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO DONNA TARTT.
Relationships: Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	Holding His Hand

"Meet up with me in New York later," I said, my heart pounding in my chest. Boris gave me a half smile, half smirk.   
"Maybe," he replied. His tone said different. His tone said no.   
"Just think about it," I told him. That dumb smirk was still on his face. I hate Boris for always having that smirk. I wish he would just smile and I wish he would just tell me that we would never see each other again instead of saying "maybe". "Boris please just think about it. I-" he cut me off by cupping my face in his hands and kissing me. His lips were warm against mine, a contrast to his cold nose. I felt the air in my lungs leave and before I could pull away and take a deep breath, he pulled away first with a full smile instead of a smirk. My heart was pounding so hard I could feel it everywhere in my body.   
"Your cab is here," Boris told me. I swallowed and turned around to see the yellow car coming down the dark street. I could feel panic start closing in. Boris was the safest, closest thing I had to home and now I was leaving that for New York, the city that broke me into a million pieces.   
I stood there numbly as the cab driver--a big, bearded man in a black Nike t-shirt--loaded my suitcase into the back. My mind was stuck on Boris and our kiss. I could still feel it on me.   
"You gonna get in the car or what?" the driver asked. I shook myself out of my haze and turned to Boris. The look on his face was unreadable. The smile after the kiss had left and replaced itself with a half smirk, a nonchalant look that made me want to punch him but there was something else that made my heart sink. He wasn’t going to come to New York with me. I might never see him again.  
“I’ll call Kotku’s phone,” I finally said. “Will you answer?”   
“If I’m with her I will. I’ll tell her that it’s you so she doesn’t block the number,” Boris replied, brushing a piece of black hair from his hollowed white cheek. He placed Popchyk in my arms. I nodded, not sure what else to say. I finally settled on, “bye for now” and hopped into the cab. The car started moving but it felt like it wasn’t real, like it was in one of my dreams that I could almost feel. My head was swimming.   
I must have been breathing loudly as I do when I can feel myself start to slip away because the cab driver turned around to look at me. “You okay?” he asked. I jerked my gaze towards him.   
“What?”   
“Are you okay? You looked like you were about to hurl.”   
“I’m fine.” I turned to look out the window and ran my fingers through Popchyk’s tangled hair. Something caught my eye down the street. I squinted. Boris was standing in the middle of the street, waving his skinny arms up and down. “Stop the car,” I said before I knew it was coming out of my mouth.   
“What? You forget something?” the driver asked, pulling over to the curb. I didn’t answer and instead tumbled out of the car, Popchyk running after me. I ran all the way down the street and didn’t stop until I was inches away from Boris. I stared at him, not knowing what to say. Had he changed his mind? Was he going to come with me? No, I told myself. Don’t get too excited. Boris is my best friend and maybe someone I love but he’s also one of the most unreliable, impulsive people I know.   
“I want to come with you,” Boris said quietly, his Russian accent seeming even thicker now that he was talking softly. We were so close I could smell the whiskey and cigarette smoke in his breath and I could see his black eyes shining even though it was dark out. “I want to come,” he repeated when I didn’t answer. “I want to be in New York with you and Popchyk. I don’t want to stay with Xandra here.”  
“Why?” I finally managed.  
“My dad is getting worse and Xandra isn’t any better. No offense.” Why would I be offended by that? Xandra was almost worse than Boris’s father. At least he wanted a child sometimes. I don’t think Xandra had ever gotten used to the fact that I was like her kid, even though she and my dad had never married.  
“Hey!” I heard the cab driver yell. I turned. He was sticking his whole, wide torso out of the window. “Are we gonna go or what? The meter is running.”   
“Give us a minute!” Boris yelled back. “We tip you extra!” The driver rolled his eyes but pulled himself back inside. Boris turned back to me, looking into my eyes. “You haven’t answered yet. Why?”   
“I just didn’t know what to say. I’m happy. I want you to come,” I replied. “Let’s go. Do you need anything from inside?”   
“You have the money? And the pills?”  
“Yes.”   
“Then no.” I scooped up Popchyk--the poor old dog was getting more and more confused--and we walked back to the cab and slid in, Boris’s long legs touching the driver’s seat.   
“Where to?” the driver asked. I looked at Boris with a sudden wave of panic: how were we getting to New York? Plane? Bus? Train?  
“The bus stop, sir,” Boris said confidently. The driver eyed us in the mirror.   
“They don’t allow dogs on the bus,” he said. “And both of you look under eighteen so unless you have an ID that says otherwise, you won’t be able to take the bus without a parent.”   
“I have an ID,” Boris said. He showed the driver.  
“That’s a school ID. It says you’re sixteen. Doesn’t work.”   
“Let’s just take the train,” I said. “I’ve seen people with dogs there all the time. We just need to put Popchyk in a bag or something. And I have vouchers we can use to get tickets.” My dad and I were planning on taking the train to the casino where Xandra worked but then he got drunk the night before and he’s always more irritable during hangovers so I decided to pocket the vouchers, keep them for a just in case situation, and stay out of his way.   
We rode in silence for awhile, the only sound being the quiet “shh” the tires made against the smooth highway. I stared out the window, squinting my eyes to see past my own reflection. The mountains just looked like black bumps against the dark blue sky, sometimes spotted with the tiny orange glow of streetlights or houses that still had the lights on. There weren’t any stars. Maybe it was too dusty. I had hated living in the outskirts of Las Vegas because of the lack of people and pizza deliveries but it had never occurred to me how unbearable the dust was. It was basically a desert. A dry, dying desert that seemed to be on its last legs.   
I thought about Xandra, how tomorrow morning she would wake up with no one there, not even her dog to comfort her. She seemed heartless and maybe she is, but I couldn’t get the sound of her crying out of my head. I hate her but does she deserve to be alone? Does she deserve to have nothing? She misses my father more than me, I thought. Does that make me a bad person? Before he died, he told me about how he felt like he was on the outside around my mom and I. Maybe we did make him feel like that but it had always seemed like his own fault. He distanced himself before we could outcast him.  
I could feel myself getting worked up over this. My breathing started quickening and that cold, tight feeling started to grip my chest. Everything morphed into a blur. The orange lights looked more like stretched out stars instead of circles and I couldn’t tell where the black mountains ended and the navy sky started. Popchyk had wandered over to my lap and started to lick my arm but I barely felt it; the cool air blowing against the damp spots barely resonating. It felt like the car was going too fast. Were we going to crash? I couldn’t see any cars ahead of us because it was too dark. My mom never drove around late at night. In the city it was too hard, all the drunk people coming out of clubs and the never empty streets. Should this cab driver even be driving right now? It’s too late. We should go back, I thought to myself. But we can’t. The awful feeling in my chest started to squeeze harder. My ears were ringing. I could feel the world start to go sideways.   
I heard distant movement next to me and a few moments later, Boris was holding my hand. His hand was rough and cool but it felt like the most comforting thing. He squeezed once, then twice, and the world turned upright again.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you guys enjoyed and thank you for reading :) . be nice to me, this is my first fanfic lmao. i will love and support this ship forever n ever. have a good day/night/afternoon/morning/whatever <3


End file.
